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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636209">On The Outside Looking In</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prophetic_nightmares/pseuds/Prophetic_nightmares'>Prophetic_nightmares</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Minor Original Character(s), Post-Endgame</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:47:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prophetic_nightmares/pseuds/Prophetic_nightmares</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Endgame</p><p>Arriving home is not everything Kathryn had hoped for, but clarity often comes from unlikely sources.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager or these characters. I am just borrowing them for a bit</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night was cool after the recent shower of rain and Janeway pulled her grey shawl tighter around her shoulders in an attempt to stave off the chill, hoping that none of her former crew had noticed her slipping away from the Welcome Home Gala. There was only so many Admirals that she could stand and she could count them all on one hand. The lights of a Bar caught her eye and against her better judgement she found herself slipping inside and easing herself onto one of the many tall stools that lined the bar top. </p><p>"What can I get for you Captain?" The young woman behind the bar asked a small smile playing on her lips as she leaned casually on the bar top, pushing her pale blue hair from her eyes. </p><p>"A Black Coffee please." Janeway replied as she pulled out the pins that held the sides of her hair out of her face and depositing them into her small handbag. Her feet ached from walking five blocks in stiletto heels and trying not to trip over the hem of her dress. The young woman returned with her coffee and held up a hand when she tried to pay. </p><p>"It's on the house, welcome back." She smiled taking a sip of water and fishing a Credit Strip from her apron and quickly paying for the coffee before Janeway could object. "I take it that the Gala wasn't much to get excited about then?" </p><p>"One can only stand Admiral Hayes for so long." Janeway quipped taking a sip of her coffee and sighing in pleasure. "I haven't had coffee this good in seven years." </p><p>"That's the good stuff, I've been saving it just in case Voyager's intrepid Captain walked through those doors." The woman grabbed a cloth and started polishing a glass. "I am Bethany by the way, the owner of this fine establishment." </p><p>"It's lovely, how did you come to own this place?" Janeway inquired, talking to Bethany was turning out to be the better part of the evening. </p><p>"My grandparents used to run this place, I inherited it from them, it should have gone to my parents but they both died a while back." Her face fell a little as she set the glass down. </p><p>"I am sorry to hear that." Janeway said hoping to comfort the younger woman but she shrugged and quickly brightened up. </p><p>"They were both in Starfleet so I knew growing up that one day they wouldn't come home, I am just glad that I didn't lose them both on the same day." Bethany drew her gaze to the door and shook her head. "Don't worry, your Captain is fine." Janeway turned to look at who she was addressing and smirked. Standing just inside the door were Tom, Harry, Seven and B'Elanna, all four of them looking somewhat relieved. </p><p>"Don't tell me, Chakotay asked you to look for me." Janeway sipped her coffee. </p><p>"I was the one who asked them to assist in locating you Captain." Seven stated. "I was concerned when I noticed you leave, I thought perhaps you were distressed and in need of companionship." </p><p>"I am fine Seven, you are all welcome to join me." Janeway offered them a crooked smile and the quartet slid into the empty seats. </p><p>"I thought that there would be more people here." Tom observed, glancing around at the empty booths. </p><p>"This place is hardly ever full on a Sunday night, I usually close at 11 pm but I'll stay open for an extra thirty minutes tonight, consider it a Welcome Home gift." Bethany grinned as she took orders from Tom and Harry. </p><p>"Why did you leave early?" B'Elanna inquired as she leant on the bar, her dark gaze soft as she observed her former Captain. </p><p>"Hayes was driving me around the bend." Janeway replied causing Tom to hide a poorly concealed laugh. </p><p>"So it has nothing to do with the fact that Chakotay hasn't so much as glanced in your direction?" B'Elanna stared hard at her former Captain and Harry sucked in a sharp breath. Seven averted her gaze and Tom laid a gentle hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. </p><p>"He's moved on B'Elanna and there is nothing that I can do about it." Janeway sighed in resignation. </p><p>"It is difficult to understand why this could happen. Commander Chakotay and yourself were close and there is no logical reason as to why you should not remain friends now that Voyager has returned." Seven added. Janeway smiled sadly at the young woman. </p><p>"It happens sometimes Seven, you can be close to someone and still end up drifting apart. The Delta Quadrant has changed me, for the worst I fear." Janeway reached across and gently squeezed Seven's arm. "I am happy for you and Chakotay, Seven. Truly, he's a good man and I can't think of anyone more deserving of a man like him." </p><p>"Thank you Captain, that means a great deal to me." Seven said softly. B'Elanna, Tom and Harry could only watch as they witnessed Kathryn Janeway give up on the one thing that she had desired for the last five years. </p><p>"It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Bethany whispered. Janeway tensed imperceptibly at her words and B'Elanna quickly turned the conversation onto lighter topics and soon the five of them were laughing over stories that only they could understand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janeway slowly yawned and stretched the sleep out of her limbs. The smell of freshly brewing coffee permeated the air she slid out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown around herself, trying the sash as she stuffed her feet into a pair of fluffy fuischa pink slippers and made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. </p><p>"Did anyone ever see you in those?" Phoebe laughed pointing to the slippers that her sister wore. </p><p>"No one was ever brave enough to disturb their Captain whilst she was sleeping." Janeway yawned. "Apart from Tuvok and Chakotay that is." </p><p>"Will I ever get to meet this Chakotay, or is that classified information?" Phoebe winked grinning mischieviously, earning a small chuckle from their mother. Janeway rolled her eyes as she helped herself to coffee. </p><p>"You are not going to stop asking me about him are you?" Phoebe mearly grinned. "If I do introduce you will you promise to behave?" </p><p>"Not a chance." Phoebe laughed as her sister sighed in mock exasperation. Even seven years apart hadn't changed the banter and bickering that the two sisters had shared for many years, much to Gretchen's consternation. </p><p>"You'll have to wait your turn young lady, I wouldn't mind meeting your Chakotay." Gretchen intoned as she set a bowl of fruit and a plate of pancakes in the centre of the table. "I have a few things that I would like to say to him." </p><p>"Mom, it's fine. I couldn't expect him to wait for me forever." Janeway said gently, but Gretchen wasn't having any of it. </p><p>"You don't give up on the people that you love no matter how far away they are or how long it takes for them to come back to you." She fixed Janeway with a stern look. "We didn't give up on you Katie, your Chakotay should have waited for you." </p><p>"Maybe, but we didn't know that we would come home when we did. He was bound to have given up anyway." Janeway said sadly. </p><p>"It will get easier Katie. Perhaps not today or tomorrow bur it will get easier." Gretchen pulled both of her daughters into a feirce embrace. "I am glad that you are home Katie." </p><p>"Me too mom. Me too." Janeway whispered as she held onto her mother and sister as if they were the last people in the galaxy. </p><p>"When mom is finished telling him off can I give him a good kick up the ass?" Phoebe inquired. Janeway snorted with laughter and Gretchen sighed loudly. </p><p>"Don't push your luck, once mom is finished with him, he won't be here for long." Janeway said with a wink. </p><p>"Now who's misbehaving?" Phoebe grinned as she broke free from the embrace. </p><p>"Can we have breakfast without the two of you making witty remarks for five minutes?" Gretchen shook her head as she placed a bottle of maple syrup on the table. The silence lasted less than two minutes, neither party wanting to miss an opportunity to tease the other and  Gretchen Janeway silently thanked the stars for bringing Kathryn home in one piece.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It never ceased to amaze Janeway how the Voyager crew could find something to celebrate. And given that Tom and B'Elanna had teamed up with Phoebe on their last visit to Indiana and had subsequently organised a party in honour of the promotions that Starfleet had finally agreed upon after four months of debating. She had expected the ensuing party to be elaborate. But she had not expected them to have booked the entireity of The Victoria Cross for the occasion. Leaning against the Bar, she observed her former crew as she sipped at the glass of Chateu Picard that Bethany had greeted her with the second that she had arrived with Phoebe. "Look at them." Phoebe hissed only just managing to conceal her disgust. Janeway followed Phoebe's gaze to where Seven and Chakotay stood, the two of them deep in discussion, neither of them paying much attention to the two Janeway women. </p><p>"Phee, leave them." Janeway warned, despite the ache in her soul. "They're happy, just leave things alone." </p><p>"Katie, there is nothing there. No lingering glances or sexual tension thick enough to cut with a knife." Phoebe pointed out. </p><p>"He keeps looking at you though." Bethany added leaning across the bar. "I think it's the dress." She smirked, arching a perfectly groomed eyebrow, the silver peircing glinting in the soft light. </p><p>"I told you so." Phoebe nudged her sister, grinning. Phoebe had insisted on buying a new dress for the evening and had managed to convince her sister that this one was perfect. Janeway smoothed out an invisible wrinkle in the emerald green fabric of her dress tugging the skirt over her knees once more. </p><p>"I didn't agree to come tonight so that you could try interfere with my love life." Janeway grumbled. </p><p>"You don't have one, that's why I insisted on coming with you." Phoebe slipped off of her stool and picked up her glass. "I am going to find Tom and B'Elanna, you sit there and look pretty, Voyager's new Captain is heading your way." She hurried away as quickly as she could leaving Janeway to deal with Chakotay alone. </p><p>"I had better make myself scarce." Bethany mumbled before she hurried to collect some empty glasses off of one of her employees. </p><p>"They always manage to surprise us." Chakotay said by way of greeting as he settled himself in an empty stool beside her. He had deliberately left some distance between them and Janeway noticed that he seemed a little on edge. </p><p>"It's Phoebe's fault, she suggested the idea to Tom and B'Elanna and of course our crew just had to jump at the chance to celebrate." She replied, sweeping her gaze over his profile, feeling her stomach twist itself into a tight knot. "Congratulations by the way. I am glad that Starfleet decided to give Voyager to you, she is part of the family after all." </p><p>"Thank you, what about you Kathryn? I heard that you had accepted a position at the academy." He studied her for a moment. </p><p>"Yes, I did. Admiral Hayes offered it as an alternative to taking another command, so I resigned my comission and accepted. Teaching Quantum mechanics to a group of Starfleet Cadets is far safer than hopping from one system to the next." She smiled at him, toying with the stem of her glass. </p><p>"But are you happy, Kathryn? I never would have believed that you would turn down a chance to explore." Janeway fixed him with a hard stare. </p><p>"I've had enough adventure to last me a lifetime Chakotay. I don't want to ever have to put anyone else through what our families had to endure and I certainly don't want to seperate anyone from their families again." She took a large swallow of wine. </p><p>"You're running away. The Kathryn that I knew would never have backed down when things got difficult." Janeway folded her arms across her chest and fought to keep her anger in check. </p><p>"I am not running, Chakotay. I have had enough of exploration and life or death situations, I have been on Red Alert for the last seven years and I finally have the chance to start building a life for myself. We've changed Chakotay, The Delta Quadrant put a lot of things into perspective for me, it's time for me to step away." Janeway countered. "All I want is for you and Seven to be happy Chakotay and if I have to step away for that to happen then I will." </p><p>"I don't want to cut you off Kathryn. Seven and I are no longer together, we haven't been for the last two months." He said softly, leaning towards her slightly. "My heart lies elsewhere." </p><p>"I see." Janeway murmured, refusing to let herself hold onto the small glimmer of hope that had suddenly renewed itself. "Hope they realise that soon." </p><p>"I hope so too." Janeway slowly slid off of her stool and laid a gentle hand over his heart. It would have been so easy to reach up and kiss him as she had wanted to for years but she held back, she had to accept that there was no chance of ever sharing an intimate relationship with him. </p><p>"Goodnight Chakotay." She smiled softly at him. </p><p>"Goodnight Kathryn." He gently squeezed her hand and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheek. Janeway reluctantly slipped her hand from his and left, casting him one final longing glance before vanishing into the night with Phoebe trailing behind her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I heard that Voyager is being sent out again." Bethany said as she brought a steaming mug of coffee over to Janeway's table. </p><p>"That is not surprising, the news feeds have been raging over that for weeks." Janeway replied as she drew the mug towards herself, pushing aside several PADDs, one of which contained the first words of a letter that she had been attempting to write with little success. </p><p>"You have to be a little excited, after months of finally waiting to see if Voyager would fly again, she is finally being released to head out into the unknown once more." Bethany enthused as she placed a salad and a small dish of dressing on the table. The door opened and she stole a glance at her newest customer, a grin spreading across her face. "Speaking of." She hurried off to check on some of the other diners, leaving Janeway in peace. </p><p>"Hello Chakotay." She greeted him without looking up from her work. </p><p>"How did you know it was me?" He asked as she finally looked up at him. </p><p>"I seem to have a sixth sense where you are concerned. I noticed it after..." She trailed off the memories of New Earth were best left alone. "Join me?" She smiled brightly at him when he seated himself across from her. </p><p>"I didn't expect to see you here." He began. Janeway sipped at her coffee. </p><p>"I bring my lesson plans and assessments here, I find that I concentrate better and I like it in here. There are always people around and I feel like myself again." She answered candidly. "What brings you here Chakotay? Voyager leaves in two weeks, I thought that you would be buried under masses of paperwork." </p><p>"That's why I am here. I needed a change of scenery, my apartment is too quiet." He produced a PADD and set it down on the table in front of him. "How did you manage it Kathryn? We haven't even set out yet and my desk is already buried under a mountain of reports." Bethany stopped by with a pot of tea and failed to hide her grin as she observed the two of them falling back into their  familiar camaraderie. </p><p>"The one thing that I don't miss about being Captain, the piles of paperwork to slog through." She chuckled spearing a forkful of her salad. Chakotay diverted his attention to the PADD, trying valiantly to ignore the long buried feelings for her that were rising to the surface. </p><p>"How is teaching going?" He needed to distract himself from the love for her that had suddenly renewed itself. </p><p>"It's a rewarding experience. My students are very attentive to their studies even if they do tend to wander off topic during class discussions. They ask about the Delta Quadrant often enough that I have been thinking of creating a class specifically about Voyager's journey home." Her voice softened towards the end. "How are you liking being Voyager's Captain?" She quickly changed the subject. </p><p>"Just fine." He answered quickly. Janeway eyed him for a moment. </p><p>"But it's not what you had hoped for." He placed a gentle hand over hers, a small flicker of hope igniting when she didn't immediately pull away. </p><p>"Voyager isn't the same without you in it." Janeway shifted her hand so that their fingers intertwined, palms pressed together as they had done that night on New Earth when they had decided to take that final step and gave themselves over to an intimacy from which they never fully recovered from. "Admiral Paris mentioned that the promotions took so long because they were too busy arguing amongst themselves and had to get you involved." Janeway smiled sheepishly. </p><p>"A few of the brass wanted to see me stripped of my rank and send to New Zealand but Nechayev and the others argued in favour of me taking on another command. Then Hayes suggested a compromise, I retain my rank and transfer to the academy. I stopped any further arguments by saying that I would accept a transfer to the academy so long as you were given command of Voyager." She dropped her gaze to their joined hands. "They are not eager to see me back in command Chakotay and to tell you the truth I am not eager to return to the Bridge of a Starship either." </p><p>"I can understand that after fighting for something for so long you need to somehow find yourself again." Chakotay tenderly squeezed her hand and she reciprocated in kind. </p><p>"Why are you really here Chakotay?" She asked softly, almost afraid of his answer. </p><p>"I was hoping that I would find you. I've missed you Kathryn." Janeway offered him a glimpse of that crooked smile that she reserved for him and him alone. </p><p>"I've missed you too. I want to be there when you leave, I'd love to see Voyager again and you. I don't want to wait anymore Chakotay." She leaned closer and Chakotay suddenly found himself wishing that there wasn't a table between them. </p><p>"What are you trying to tell me Kathryn?" He didn't dare hope as he leaned towards her. </p><p>"Just that I am in love with you and I don't want to wait for you anymore." She whispered. His heart soared and the words that he had longed to say to her came tumbling out. </p><p>"I love you too Kathryn." Their lips met across the table both slowly relaxing into the touch, relishing a moment that had been seven years in the making. Bethany spied them from the corner of her eye and smiled to herself. Her two regular customers had finally picked up on the subtle hints that she been giving them since they had started frequenting her establishment.</p>
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